Should children be forced to share?.
Sharing is a concept adults force onto children because we believe it is essential for raising “good” people. However it is a double standard. As an adult, I wouldn’t
share my personal mobile phone with you, or my car, or my clothes, for that matter there’s not much I’d
share with you!
Forced
sharing demonstrates the item in question never truly belonged to the person. In the real world, owners have full control over who uses their property.

Sharing space is good enough for us!
Children aren’t permitted to attach feelings of ownership to their belongings even if they’re the only things in the world they believe is theirs to control and cherish. This is because we adults expect children to
share unbiasedly, acting as if their belonging is a loan item rather than their personal property.
Apparently this is acceptable because someone at some stage decided this “teaches” children good social skills and politeness, and convinced society that’s how it all works.
Does this mean as adults we aren’t polite?
That we’re rude? What does it say about us that we force little people to
share but refuse to do it ourselves?
It’s a sure indicator of one of the many double standards we have between adults and children.
The view that children aren’t as important as adults, and therefore aren’t entitled to the same feelings and respect as adults are simply because of their age.
For anyone who can be honest with themselves, it is obvious children
aren’t really seen as people and are seen as less than people. We expect things of them we would never expect of ourselves or other adults, even though we are the ones capable of understanding when they’re not.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
What does forcing a child to share actually teach them?
Children learn they don’t count, that their valued personal belongings
aren’t important and the needs and wants of another person are more important than their own.
It is a snowball effect which can lead into adulthood. Most adults have an unhealthy dynamic of putting others needs above their own, for that’s what we are taught from a very young age. We may not
share our personal goods but we tend to
over-share ourselves. It is is far more important to cherish ourselves than material belongings.
What can we do instead?
Teach children they count by protecting their right to continue to play with the desired item, instead of forcing them to
share. Facilitate
patience in others with reminders of “No, wait your turn”. Explain the child with the belonging isn’t done playing with it yet, but as soon as they’re finished they will probably
share. Explain it’s OK to want what others have, and it’s not OK to take what others have when they’re using it.
Being protective over belongings isn’t a bad thing - many adults do this. We are modelling protective behaviours, so don’t seem shocked when our children are fiercely protective too.
Let children decide for themselves if they want to
share, and
respect their decision. Do not coerce and manipulate children into changing their minds. Let them know they’re people too and their needs and wants count.

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